The Depression Handbook

Since I know quite a bit about depression, I’m posting this handy guide for those of you who want to help those who are depressed.

First of all, how to know when someone is depressed:

• They don’t talk. They answer you with as few words as possible.
• They are crying for no apparent reason.
• They are staying away from people as much as they can.
• If they have to perform tasks, they will do the bare minimum.
• They sit or lay without moving for a long time, just staring.

The hardest part about dealing with a depressed person is that they won’t want to do things. They usually say they don’t care. But they really want help and they want someone to care about them. You really have to be unselfish and think about only them for the next few hours.

Now here are some things that will help them, especially if you’ve been paying attention and catch it at the beginning:

• Get them to eat! Chances are your depressed person doesn’t want to do anything, even eat, so they won’t. Getting them to eat a good healthy meal will help them feel better. Don’t ask them what they want because they won’t want anything. Just make something you know they like, or better yet, take them out to eat.
• Hug them! They want someone to love them, but they don’t think anyone does. Show them you care by being a little extra touchy-feely. If it’s your spouse, hold their hand even if they don’t hold yours back.
• Do all the talking. Right now all the thoughts in their head are bad ones so interrupt those thoughts with different ones. Talk about fun times coming up or fun times you’ve had. If you’re feeling brave, you might talk about something that will get a strong response from them (like their biggest pet peeve, or Boy Scouts and the Church.)
• Change everything. If they’ve been in the house all day, take them out of it. If they’ve been with the kids all day, get the kids away from them. You need to change the direction their thoughts have been going.
• Try not to give them any more reasons to be mad at themselves. Compliment them and casually remind them of the things that they’re doing right.
• If they do talk about their feelings and things that are going wrong, don’t offer solutions and don’t contradict them (i.e. “I’ll never be able to do it!” “You should try it this way…” or “Everyone hates me!” “Not everyone hates you.”) They won’t believe anything you say. Just put your arm around them or hold their hand and listen. Try to help them get it all out. Then get them to go do something fun with you.

Here are some things you should not do:

• Don't ask them what they want because they won't want anything. Do things that show them you love them, or something that will make them laugh.
• Don’t ignore it and think they’ll get over it. They probably will, but it will take longer and they’ll have ammo stored up for the next time.
• Don’t try to figure out what’s making them sad. It’s not one specific thing, it’s a barrage of thoughts that come and grind them down until they can’t think of anything else.
• Don’t mock them or make fun of them. They already hate themselves; don’t make it worse.
• Try not to get mad at them. After all, this is a medical condtion and I'm sure they don't like having it any more than you like dealing with it.

I know a lot of people who have episodes of depression and I hope this helps those of you who have to help them.