Amazingly, I feel fine today. Didn't get mad when Cliff showered and woke me up. Got right out of bed (with only a bit of coaxing) when Elizabeth wanted cereal. What happened??
Also, I was thinking something last night as I was trying to sleep. I can compare how I feel to fighting an invisible monster. It's there, it's real to me, but no one else can see it so they don't know how to help or what exactly will work against it.
This monster is sort of like the "Night At Bald Mountain" monster from Fantasia. It's huge and terrifying. It summons ghosts to help it. These ghosts are the blunders and mistakes of the past come back to make me remember how awful they made me feel. And the monster creates new feelings of guilt and sorrow to plague me.
And then something happens and the monster curls up and goes into hibernation. What is that something? I so wish I knew. Whatever it was this time happened while I was asleep. If I could encapsulate that something and take it every time like aspirin, it would make this whole thing so easy. Too bad easy isn't the way of life.
3 comments:
I'm glad today is better. And you don't have to go to work today!
I catch myself reliving embarassing or anxious moments in my life. Some that happened way back in elementary school. I force myself to stop and ration it out that it won't help anything, but sometimes it takes a while.
I'd describe my bouts like a seizure for lack of a better comparison. Sometimes I feel it coming over a few hours or days, but it will hit fast and I have a flood of emotion I just have to ride out (usually in my bed with my face in the pillow). Once I'm emotionally drained I begin to feel better.
Hi Jen,
I think everyone has some sort of "demon" they have to deal with. Sometimes I wish I could just walk normal and not trip over my own stupid feet and fall, like I did in Primary today with all the kids watching. I wish the floor would have swallowed me whole!! I hate that I feel, almost on a daily basis, that I'm being judged for the way I walk, and not for the person I am. Stay strong!
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